I Samuel 18: The Critical Spouse

In I Samuel 18, David and Michal were a young married couple in love. Michal loved David. David was asked to slay 100 Philistines to earn Michal’s hand in marriage and he proved his love for her by slaying 200 Philistines.

But King Saul was jealous of David and sought to take his life. David had to leave behind the country and his wife, Saul’s daughter. Saul then gave Michal to another man, Phalti, to be his wife.

A lot happened over the next ten years. Saul and his son Jonathan were dead. His general, Abner, was now running Israel and promised to unite Israel under King David. But David only agrees to Abner’s plan if Abner takes Michal away from Phalti and gives her to David – her first husband.

A short while later, in a procession with 30,000 men, David lead the ark of God back to Jerusalem. It was a great day for the nation of Israel. The ark was where it needed to be, Israel was united and David was no longer running from Saul. There was great excitement in the air and David thought God was doing great things! David blessed the ark, made offerings to the Lord and gave some food and drink to all the people. What a time! David “danced” – he jumped and leaped for joy for what God had done. And he wore a linen ephod – representative of the ephod the priest would wear. Everything David did, he did so with an attitude of sincere worship and thanksgiving for the victory God gave.

And then David returns home to his wives and family. Think of how great it is to come home with great news and you have the privilege to be the first to announce it. Certainly, Michal will be just as excited as David about all God had done for Israel!

But Michal was not excited about what God was doing. In fact, she comes out of the house to meet him in the road before he even gets to the house and accuses David of making a fool of himself. She criticizes him. “You’re the king, why are you leaping through the streets in front of everyone?”

Why was she so critical? Why wasn’t she encouraged by the work of the Lord?

First, Michal changed over time. Remember, she spent ten years living in the house of her father, Saul. Saul was a godless king. The spirit of God had left him a long time ago.

And there no public worship in the days of Saul: 1 Chronicles 13:3 And let us bring again the ark of our God to us: for we inquired not at it in the days of Saul. During Saul’s reign, the people grew cold towards the things of God and Michal was no exception. She had become suspicious like her father and was also a false accuser and cold in her heart. If Christians don’t develop a walk with the Lord, they will become cold and indifferent to the work of the Lord.

Second, she had a heart problem: v.16 Michal despised David in her heart. Why? She was prideful and had little concern for God. We can see this was her problem by looking at David’s response to her attack: note v.21-22 “I will be more vile”, “I will be base.” David says: You’ve got a problem with me humbling myself before God because you’re prideful. You don’t care about the ark, you just care about the throne. And these maidservants you despise will honor me when you won’t.

She enjoyed the pomp and circumstance of being the King’s daughter just as much as Saul lusted to remain king. And while David was walking closer to the Lord while hunted by Saul, Michal was drifting farther from God in the palace. She didn’t share David’s zeal for service, worship and consecration. The ark of God meant nothing to her – the prestige of the throne was her goal. She enjoyed being the queen and her husband the war hero and king, but she had no interest in being married to a devout Christian that served and worshiped God. She didn’t like it when he took off his kingly purple robe and wore a godly linen ephod.

Michal’s heart was not right with God. David was praising God for what He had done to bring the ark to Jerusalem. He’s serving the Lord and giving God his best and what is she doing? Finding a way to be critical. Imagine that: David praises God with the whole country for bringing the ark to Jerusalem, he blesses the nation and the whole nation is happy with him – except one person: His wife.

And what was he coming home to do? According to v.20, have family devotions. She doesn’t care that her husband wants to read the Bible and go to church. She doesn’t care if he wants to spend time in prayer. She wants her husband to be her king-boy at home, not out serving God with the common people! And so, the one person that ought to be his biggest supporter is his biggest critic. The one place that ought to be a haven and rest for his weary soul – home – is a battleground. We ought to put our helmet on when leaving the house and take it off when we return. But because of a spouse that was critical and had little heart for God, David had to prepare for battle before he crossed the threshold!

After a couple trips home like that, many spouses don’t come home! I’m not saying that’s right, but I can see why they’d rather stay out doing something else than come home to their biggest critic! If you spend so much time criticizing your spouse, you better hope they’re patient – or there’ll come a day when you go out to meet them half way home to tear into them and there won’t be anyone there!

What she should have been for him: Proverbs 31:10-12 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Spouses should rejoice in the work of the Lord together, worshiping and serving together, not criticizing. Stay close the Lord and support your spouse.